You know them. They only come out when there’s a bandwagon to jump on. The very odd occasion that Ireland might achieve something. They show up in their Eire jersey with the Penney’s price tag still dangling.
Singing “Ole Ole Ole“, as we are being trashed by the Pharao Islands. But what would another Euro Finals/6 Nations/World Cup or…whatevs’ be without this bunch of soulless spawn of Satan?
Read on to discover the best sports bars in Dublin – for just about any football bandwagon…
7 out of 10
It’s a cold n’ wet Sunday morning in February. Probably not the ideal time to be setting off on a pub crawl. However, I’m taking one for the team here as I enter the Woolshed on Parnell Street. It’s only 11.45 and already it’s tiered seating is filling up with giant sweaty arses.
It’s a perfect day to carry out my highly scientific fact-finding mission. Sky Sports Super Sunday, for those who have a life, is a triple header of football matches (sorry, I refuse to call it soccer as I’m not from bleeding American or Australian) kicking off around 12ish right through to 7 o clock or so. So pretty much an excuse for “sports fans” to spend the entire day in the boozer or until your burd calls asking “Where the hell are you”?
The place is full of unhealthy looking blokes squeezed into their horrible Arsenal tops breakfasting on Woolsheds pizza n grill offerings (Approx €10). Food wise, it’s top notch for a sporting occassion. Quick, cheap, tasty & easy to hold in your non-beer holding hand. I say beer, when I should say beers. As you’d be mad to just drink from a pint when you can drink from a pitcher for just a tenner. Being an Australian themed sheep palace, you’ll find the Foster cheap, and as nasty as your hangover.
Pints out of Ten: 7
TV Screens everywhere, but 2 pints deducted because it’s easy to hate Arsenal, and loud obnoxious Australians alpha-males. Oh, and it’s on Parnell Street. And also I can’t count.
The Living Room
8 out of 10
I finish up my beer and chuck my empty pitcher away as I cross Parnell Street to The Living Room on Marlborough Street. It’s heaving. As am I after skulling that beer. The place is a mecca for sports fans. (Can I use the word mecca without a Fatwah being placed on my head?) One of the many huge screens tells me Arsenal are 1 up, so I hand the barmaid a tenner for a pitcher to drown my sorrows. I squeeze past the horrible Arsenal fans guzzling platters of deep fried nuggets n’ sausages shite (Approx €12). Which is perfect for a match I suppose. The beer garden is empty. Probably ços it’s pissing down. Pity. Ços it’s a top venue when the suns out. Whenever that is.
Pints out of Ten: 8
2 pints deducted cos there’s a bloke working in the jax.
Top Tip: Just don’t give the lad in the jax 2 euros. Or go outside for a piss like everyone else does.
8 out of 10
Spotting a blind nun leaving her bike unlocked outside the Spar I cut my piss short and seize the opportunity by jumping on her bike. It’s a real stroke of luck apart from the piss all over my pants. Leaving the Northside and crossing the river Liffey is a bit like leaving Helmand Province & entering Narnia. It’s a fact. There is less dog shit on the South Side! At least I think it’s out of a dog.
As I amble up Harcourt Street’s Georgian facade on my stolen Raleigh Burner, I think to myself this must be the same feeling Senator David Norris gets re-enacting James Joyce’s Leopold Bloom. Perhaps, in years to come, this blog post will also be re-enacted by lots of wankers on bikes wearing straw hats.
I arrive at my destination & luckily the bouncers at Diceys Garden don’t spot the urine on my pants & let me enter. Usually this place is packed full of cunts. However, it’s transformed itself into a top spot for watching ball. And here’s why. Lots of screens. Lots of beer. Lots of burds. Brazilians, Spanners, Foreigners etc. ….Basically, your native Irish minger has been replaced with football mad crackers. And with drinks starting at 2 quid a pop, it’s destined to get messy!
The grub is top notch too with burgers for only €2! …2 quid for a burger as big as your face!!! Not bad!
Pints out of Ten: 8
2 Pints deducted cos It’s shit indoors so make sure you get there early & get a spot in the beer garden.
Top Tip: The bar reverts to rip-off prices after 10pm, so start stocking up on the bottles of Koppaberg around 9 o’ clock.
Top Tip 2: if your team wins why not drop some yokes and stay for some crackin’ tunes after the game.
6 out of 10
As I’m “technically” working I quickly polish off my sambucas, (only €2 quid) and leave. I discover some scumbag has nicked my bike. What’s the world coming to!? But luckily my next port of call is literally across the road in DTwo. Again, I wouldn’t be caught dead in the kip normally, but they’ve transformed it into a top spot for sports matches.
Man Scum are playing & the sight of Rooney’s Shrek-like-face on the dozens of big screens makes me almost hurl the pint & burger I’ve just purchased for only a tenner. I head outside into the beer garden & nearly lose it. Not only at the sheer massive size of the TV screen, but also ços United are 1 nil down. Happy days!
The place is huge. Almost as huge as Louis van Gaals stupid face. With plenty of seating. Which is handy for all the fans dozing off during another United borefest.
Pints out of Ten: 6
(4 pints deducted for the pissy beer served in a Tulip glass. No drinks specials)
6 out of 10
The notes I wrote about this pub don’t make any sense. So for Sinnotts on Stephens Green, I can tell you there’s lots of big screens & they do a cracking pie ‘n pint deal for a tenner. But judging by the amount of swear words on my notepad from my visit, that’s where the value for money stopped. Being on Grafton Street you can expect to get ripped off on the beer.
Pints out of Ten: 6
4 pints deducted for being so damn expensive.
And so concludes Rebel Dublin’s whistletop tour of Dublin’s Best Sporting Pubs.
Or in summary, anywhere with lots of big tellies plus cheap booze & food…
We want to hear your thoughts on Dublin’s Best Sports Bar. Every commenter goes into a draw for a Round the World Cruise in your very own Cruise Ship full of Supermodels.