The 2016 Irish election has resulted in a stand-off between various groups of incompetent government suits. Unable to form a government for months since the election, the general public has received the government it deserved – no government at all, and a good laugh. It seems Irish politics is still serving a small well fed handful, while the general public can go and get stuffed. Somehow despite this, it’s boom times ahead. The Irish economy is going gangbusters. And, we are happy to announce that the FREE upgrade to Celtic Mountain Lion is available to download and install.
Actually, like most of our products, you have no choice but to install the new economic upgrade. And, with a myriad of new expensive features, why would you try to resist? This year we’re all about delivering innovation, and changing people’s daily lives. The new economic upgrade is based on the feel of the previous Celtic Tiger, or as close as we can replicate it while trying to avoid looking like we compromised in any way. Here we’ll explore the new Celtic Mountain Lion, and what you can expect from Ireland’s latest economic advances.
Price of beer to go from expensive – to downright extortion.
For many, the price of beer is a solid basis for the general cost of living. The disparity between beer prices in Europe makes most who visit Temple Bar in Dublin wonder ‘what the feck is going on?‘. But, rest assured the price of beer is driven not only by tourism, and greed, but by the reality that Irish people don’t seem to object to extortionate prices for alcohol. At least not historically as evidenced by the Celtic Tiger. Now, Celtic Mountain Lion is set to see more than €6 for a pint of god awful tasteless swill from Diageo become the norm across all of Dublin.
Once you’ve adjusted to the update, drink at home or head to Dicey’s and enjoy two for one prices with countless good looking, cost conscious foreigners and expats in a place that’ll have you question what you’re doing with your life. Else you can risk finding your monthly pay check gone a week after pay day.
Good looks & performance forecast.
Before Celtic Tiger started to crack, a report suggested the only well spent money by the government was on road infrastructure. The days of flying to Cork from Dublin at the expense of business ended when you could finally drive like a maniac in your Audi to that so called ‘client meeting’. Unfortunately since then there’s been little investment in anything tangible to help Dublin’s choking city centre, so this new economic upgrade is going to grind your daily commute to a complete halt. Busses will continue to rarely turn up on time. The R for Rapid in DART, will officially be removed from all trains next month. Planning for bicycle ways sounded cooler, and went along with some contract with some 3rd party to provide Dublin Bikes. This was more important than any pedestrian planning, because we wanted to ensure countless angry militant taxi drivers have plenty to blast their car horns at while being unoccupied, and not really having anywhere important to be.
We have a new design for pedestrian lighting signals to go with Celtic Mountain Lion. Due to long waiting times at traffic lights, that seem to make pedestrians feel like their lives are passing them by, the red ‘Don’t Walk‘ pedestrian light is now dancing the ‘Macarena’.
A new aptly named app called ‘the black hole’ looks fantastic and is free with your Celtic Mountain Lion upgrade. This app will help you follow the latest expenditure attributed to the Luas Line, forthcoming strikes, and various other failings of the local public transport system. It really does look impressive, and it’s very interactive.
Innovation moving us into the future.
With the collapse of the property market, the banking system, and the robbing of state pensions, now ancient history, the investment in Celtic Mountain Lion’s research and development was unequalled. With Celtic Mountain Lion you can look forward to astonishing rental prices. They’ve only doubled on average during the last 3 years around Dublin, and impressively no one is building any new houses. We’re ignoring any unplanned housing affordability crisis issues and are pleased to announce property values are getting back to where they were.
Ireland’s state of the art banking system is set to roll on, because it really is almost better than stuffing money into a mattress. With the launch of Celtic Mountain Lion, Bank Of Ireland is offering customers a chance to win a bottle of wine just for getting an insurance quote. Not all Celtic Mountain Lion users will take this up, but it’s a progressive sales drive that’s further testament to the potential growth of the island’s name bank.
Now that Celtic Mountain Lion has been released, we look forward to making it unavailable to you when we release Celtic Newgrange next year. We’re already planning to make the next upgrade work even less efficiently with whatever the next government does or doesn’t do (when one is finally formed).