What’s happening St Patrick’s Day 2016

St Patrick's Day Dublin Leprechauns Jumping

 

Wow! What a list of things to do. You are soooooo… lucky!
It’s no longer just St Patrick’s Day. It’s now 3 entire days of fun filled frolics.
Gone are the dreary floats of your childhood. The Brennans bread van & JCB with balloons has now become a full on festival!  Let’s party!!!

So what’s happening for Paddy’s Day this year? Here’s a List of St Patrick’s Day Events for Dublin 2016

 

What: City at Play Funfairs

When: Thursday 17th March 11am to 9pm

Where: Various Locations

A fun day out for the family at various locations around the city. Waltzers, carnival rides, the Big Wheel and other fairground attractions that spin you around & make you feel sick. Or is that just me? I could never handle Funderland. My 3 year old is now braver than I am. Oh the shame.
It all kicks off at Merrion Square, D2 & Custom House Quay.

What: St Patrick’s Festival Parade

When: Thursday 17th March, 12pm

Where: City Centre, Beginning Parnell Street

This years theme is “Imagine if”…
Imagine What? Who cares..Some gobshite from the Art’s Council decided each parade has to have a theme? I suppose it gives Marty Whelan something to read out during the telly coverage.
It’s a load of brass bands from American colleges (the good looking tanned ones) & a load of papier-mache characters from Galway crusties Macnas (the pasty ugly ones).
My advice, come early. Or bring a ladder!

What: Irish Craft Beer & Whiskey Village

When: Thursday 17th March, 12.01pm

Where: RDS Main Hall

Now in it’s fifth year, it seems craft beer is here to stay. When will people finally realise that craft beer is absolute p*ss. OK, OK…some of it’s not bad. But can you really drink bottles of Abner Browne’s “Pickled Pig P*ss” IPA all night?
Gimme a Guinness anyday.
Anyway, if you’re into this muck, for 10 quid in there’s also a whiskey village and *artisan food.

*(overpriced)

What: Dublin by Bike – Easter Rising Cycle Tour

When: Thursday 17th March, 2pm

Where: Cafe Rothar, Fade Street

This originally looked interesting. I mean Dublin’s a great city to see by bike. And you get to hear about the Easter Rising. But it’s…€25 to cycle around Dublin?! What the F*ck?!
The route takes you from the GPO, Moore St, Bolands Mills & back to Dublin Castle. You wouldn’t even pay that in a taxi. And you’re doing all the work.
I know there’s lots of gullible tourists in town, but really….this is just giving us a bad name.
Should be a tenner…..
If you are stupid though, book here: dublinbybike@gmail.com

What: Greening the City

When: Thursday 17th March, 6pm

Where: Various,

Iconic buildings throughout Dublin turn green. This is great!
Pity they don’t do it all year round. With different colours. Just like Las Vegas.
Only with Paddy Power shops instead of Casinos.

What: Street Theatre

When: Friday 18th March, 12.15pm – 4pm

Where: Various Locations

Various comedy acts will warm up festival goers with pre-parade shenanigans. Street performers from both here and abroad perform comedy, magic and family entertainment lasting for 15 minutes a piece. 3 shows per hour.

Look out for them at the following locations: South King St, top of Grafton St, Stephen’s Green North, Barnardo’s Square.

What: Music in the City

When: Friday 18th March, 1.30pm

Where: Dublin City, Various

An eclectic mix of indoor and outdoor performances. Ska, Acapella, Choirs, Samba & Reggae. There’s even some of that rubbish Paul Simon had on his Gracelands album.
You can find them at the following locations:
St Annes Church, Powerscourt, Barnardo’s Square, National Gallery, Stephen’s Green Shopping Centre.

What: Festival Ceili

When: Friday 18th March, 4.30pm

Where: Earlsfort Terrace, Dublin 2

For those of you who don’t know what a Ceili is. It’s a bit like the scene in Titanic where all the poor people were below deck dancin n’ clappin n’ hollerin..Yeeeeoooow! Ya boyo ye…! And then they all died.
A bit like what happens after the parade when Dublin turns into a scobie filled disaster movie.

What: Big Day Out

When: Sunday 20th March, 12pm to 6pm

Where: Merrion Square

Family entertainment with a day long carnival, theatre, magic, music and workshops.
Take a look inside a Georgian Gaf, blow up stuff at the Science Zone, eat worms at the Children’s Garden. What’s not to love!
There’s Chinese acrobats, jugglers, freaks (is that non-PC?), and farmyard animals.
So let your kids run wild. Oh, Fupp it….Run wild with them why don’t ya!

 

What you can expect on St Patrick’s Day?

 

St Patrick's Day Events Dublin 2016

First time in Dublin? First ever Paddy’s Day? Well, if so you’re in for a treat.
First things first. The Parade. It goes on and on and on….Not so much the floats, but the actual waiting. It kicks off at 12pm. But if you want to see it you need to arrive early. Or bring a ladder. Or just be really tall. But if you can get a good spot it’s actually pretty good.
A little game you can play while you’re waiting for the parade…Try to spot somebody who isn’t wearing a leprechaun hat….

The Parade usually finishes around 2pm. By 2.05pm, the pubs are packed with queues 4 deep at the bar. By 2.50pm the streets are awash with urine. By 4pm the singing starts. By 4.01pm the singing stops when you realise you only know the first verse. By 5pm the hugging of random tourists outside kebab shops begins. By 7pm you will have lost your big leprechaun hat. By 7.05pm you will have picked up somebody else’s piss-soaked hat off the street. By 8pm there will be a dozen scumbag street urchins involved in a brawl. By 9pm it’s become a warzone. By 10pm, that young wan from Colorado will be getting fingered behind a wheelie bin. 11pm it’s time to score some yokes….and from there it’s just a blur….

What is the history of St Patrick’s Day and why am I drunk before midday?

Drunk Irishman holding 2 pints of Guinness on St Patricks Day

It’s a well known fact that St Patrick, or Pat as he was known back then, was not actually Irish but British, & a devout teetotaler at that. Legend has it, in 496AD he arrived to Ireland on a stag weekend with his posse from the monastery, got f*cked up on cider and scored some magic mushrooms from a druid.

He was last seen running naked & ranting about seeing snakes while completely off his tits.
The Irish were so impressed with his behaviour that they made him a Saint, gave him a big pointy hat and had a big party in his honour. And to this day they celebrate it by getting drunk. Just like any other day so..

 

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
There is much debate about the actual date of March 17th for St Patrick’s Day. It’s believed the actual date used to be some time later in April but the government were forced to bring it forward as the Irish couldn’t wait to go on the piss after being on the dry so long after Christmas.

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
St Patrick’s Day is a religious feast in Ireland. In 1547AD, the Catholic church noticed the Paddy’s day shenanigans and decided to claim it for themselves after seeing all the merchandising money flowing into O’Carroll’s gift shops.
Much the same way the Church are now jumping on the Christmas bandwagon and the whole Santa thing.

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
In 1496AD, the Archbishop of Belmullet, so ashamed of the nihilistic celebrations of the Irish people, took a vow and locked himself away in a tower to devote himself to God. In 1503AD his naked body was discovered. It is believed he wanked himself to death.

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
St Patrick is not only the Patron Saint of Ireland, but he is also the Patron Saint of Australia, Nigeria and Montserrat. Wherever that is…I mean who’s ever heard of Australia?

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
Traditionally the Irish Prime Minister travels to the White House where he presents the American President with a bowl of shamrock as a sign of friendship. In 1974 the Irish Prime Minister lost the bowl of shamrock in the taxi and as a last minute replacement handed President Nixon a Toblerone & 200 Benson & Hedges he had bought in Duty Free.

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
The 2013 Dublin Parade went off largely as planned except for one minor hiccup when the Grand Marshal got drunk & after only 500 meters led the parade off the pre-planned route back to his gaf for a party. Neighbours reported seeing a dozen naked American tuba players marching in the back garden at 4 the next morning.

St Patrick’s Day Fact!
There are 1 hundred million billion pints of Guinness drunk every minute on St Patrick’s Day*
*(Rough estimate. Possibly not true)

St Patrick’s Day Fact!St Pattys Day blokes arses
Is it St Paddy’s Day or St Patty’s Day? Or even St Patties Day? In fact it is neither. The only people who call it this are Americans. And it’s annoying.

According to Wikipedia a patty is a flattened, round piece of ground meat. Or a hamburger. Are these people actually referring to Ronald Mc Donald?

Anyway, Whatev’s….’Cos on St Patrick’s Day Everybody is Irish. Slainte!

 

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